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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Parent
Child
Help
Helping
Didn
Psychiatrist
Kids
Sent
Children
Childhood
Parents
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I don't get no respect
Rodney Dangerfield
