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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Help
Helping
Didn
Psychiatrist
Kids
Sent
Children
Childhood
Parents
Parent
Child
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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I don't get no respect
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
