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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Parents
Parent
Child
Help
Helping
Didn
Psychiatrist
Kids
Sent
Children
Childhood
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
Rodney Dangerfield
I don't get no respect
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
Rodney Dangerfield
