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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Children
Childhood
Parents
Parent
Child
Help
Helping
Didn
Psychiatrist
Kids
Sent
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
I can't get no respect.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
