Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Lost
Fats
Pounds
Perfectly
Round
Rounds
Wife
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Rodney Dangerfield
To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
Rodney Dangerfield
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have three kids, one of each.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
