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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Fats
Pounds
Perfectly
Round
Rounds
Wife
Lost
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
Rodney Dangerfield
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
