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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Rounds
Wife
Lost
Fats
Pounds
Perfectly
Round
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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