Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Lost
Fats
Pounds
Perfectly
Round
Rounds
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
Rodney Dangerfield
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
