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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Rounds
Wife
Lost
Fats
Pounds
Perfectly
Round
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I don't get no respect
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
