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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Store
Stores
Short
Clothes
Bigs
Find
Like
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I can't get no respect.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney Dangerfield
