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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
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Store
Stores
Short
Clothes
Bigs
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More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
Rodney Dangerfield
