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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Eight
Learn
Live
Life
Disappointments
Seventy
Seventies
Disappointment
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
Rodney Dangerfield
[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
Rodney Dangerfield
Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
Rodney Dangerfield
We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
Rodney Dangerfield
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
Rodney Dangerfield
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
