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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Life
Disappointments
Seventy
Seventies
Disappointment
Eight
Learn
Live
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I don't get no respect
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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