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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Disappointment
Eight
Learn
Live
Life
Disappointments
Seventy
Seventies
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield
