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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Live
Life
Disappointments
Seventy
Seventies
Disappointment
Eight
Learn
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
Rodney Dangerfield