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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Lying
Women
Alike
Cars
Car
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I have three kids, one of each.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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