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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Alike
Cars
Car
Lying
Women
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield
My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
Rodney Dangerfield