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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Lying
Women
Alike
Cars
Car
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
