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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Women
Alike
Cars
Car
Lying
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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