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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Sex
Says
Wife
Girl
Need
Needs
Occurs
Mind
Blow
Ears
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
