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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Ears
Sex
Says
Wife
Girl
Need
Needs
Occurs
Mind
Blow
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
I can't get no respect.
Rodney Dangerfield
I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
Rodney Dangerfield
If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Rodney Dangerfield
