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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Girl
Need
Needs
Occurs
Mind
Blow
Ears
Sex
Says
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
Rodney Dangerfield
