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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Never
Nude
Men
Abraham
Like
Lincoln
Beach
Created
Equal
Went
Believe
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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