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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Really
Way
Sex
Fight
Wife
Fighting
Night
Wells
Well
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield
