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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Well
Really
Way
Sex
Fight
Wife
Fighting
Night
Wells

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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