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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Well
Really
Sex
Way
Fight
Wife
Fighting
Night
Wells
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
Rodney Dangerfield
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield
