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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Always
Ruler
Rulers
Beach
Case
Prove
Cases
Take
Something
Nude
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
