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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Hold
Wife
Anything
Receipt
Never
Receipts
Petite
Marked
Size
Guess
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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