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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Guess
Hold
Wife
Anything
Receipt
Never
Receipts
Petite
Marked
Size
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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