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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Guess
Hold
Wife
Anything
Receipt
Never
Receipts
Petite
Marked
Size
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
