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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tell
Frills
Flights
Dishes
Cheap
Flight
Finished
Took
Respect
Eatin
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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