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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Took
Respect
Eatin
Tell
Frills
Flights
Dishes
Cheap
Flight
Finished

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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
Rodney Dangerfield