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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Pain
Ass
Sex
Wrong
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
Rodney Dangerfield
