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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Ass
Sex
Wrong
Pain
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I don't get no respect
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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