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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Pain
Ass
Sex
Wrong
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I don't get no respect
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
Rodney Dangerfield
