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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Sex
Year
Years
Bisexual
Figured
Twice

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
Rodney Dangerfield