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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Bisexual
Figured
Twice
Sex
Year
Years
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
Rodney Dangerfield
