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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Year
Years
Bisexual
Figured
Twice
Sex
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
Rodney Dangerfield
He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
Rodney Dangerfield
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney Dangerfield
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
