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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Bisexual
Figured
Twice
Sex
Year
Years

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield