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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Refrigerator
Alive
Refrigerators
Tell
Attached
Machine
Shouldn
Keeps
Machines
Jokes
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield
