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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tell
Attached
Machine
Shouldn
Keeps
Machines
Jokes
Wife
Refrigerator
Alive
Refrigerators
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
