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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Talk
Prevention
Suicide
Tried
Respect
Called
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
Rodney Dangerfield
