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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Talk
Prevention
Suicide
Tried
Respect
Called
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
Rodney Dangerfield
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
