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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Suicide
Tried
Respect
Called
Talk
Prevention
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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