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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Prevention
Suicide
Tried
Respect
Called
Talk
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
Rodney Dangerfield
