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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Girls
Rodney
Yeah
Louise
Respect
Waited
Hours
Walked
Girl
Date
Two
Corner
Wells
Corners
Well
Blind
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
