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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Sexy
Likely
High
School
Masturbate
Voted
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I can't get no respect.
Rodney Dangerfield
I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Rodney Dangerfield
I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
Rodney Dangerfield
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
Rodney Dangerfield
I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
