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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
World
Hemorrhoids
Sitting

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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