Quote

I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

Rodney Dangerfield

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Hemorrhoids
Sitting
World

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Image
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I don't get no respect
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield