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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Found
Right
Million
Married
Told
Millions
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I have three kids, one of each.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
Rodney Dangerfield
