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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Millions
Wife
Found
Right
Million
Married
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
