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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Leave
Talk
Much

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
Rodney Dangerfield
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
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I have three kids, one of each.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield