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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Leave
Talk
Much

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
Rodney Dangerfield
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield