Quote

My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.

Rodney Dangerfield

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Watch
Hernias
Kids
Scotch
Sidewalk
Worms
Tape
Birds
Bird
Watches

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Image
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
Man, who don't like spaghetti?
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
Rodney Dangerfield