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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Sex
Cases
Dies
Age
Comes
Like
Threesome
Case
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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I can't get no respect.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
