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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Like
Threesome
Case
Sex
Cases
Dies
Age
Comes
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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