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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Cases
Dies
Age
Comes
Like
Threesome
Case
Sex

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
Rodney Dangerfield
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
Rodney Dangerfield
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
Rodney Dangerfield