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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Shots
Gave
Told
Wife
Think
Penicillin
Thinking
Doctor
Shot
Doctors
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I don't get no respect
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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