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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Shot
Doctors
Shots
Gave
Told
Wife
Think
Penicillin
Thinking
Doctor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I can't get no respect.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
Rodney Dangerfield
