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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Shots
Gave
Told
Wife
Think
Penicillin
Thinking
Doctor
Shot
Doctors
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Rodney Dangerfield
I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
