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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Think
Penicillin
Thinking
Doctor
Shot
Doctors
Shots
Gave
Told
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Rodney Dangerfield
The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
Rodney Dangerfield
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
Rodney Dangerfield
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
Rodney Dangerfield
