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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Gave
Told
Wife
Think
Penicillin
Thinking
Doctor
Shot
Doctors
Shots
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney Dangerfield
You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
